Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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