Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
