I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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