bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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