need another drink. this is the easiest way
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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