come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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