Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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