Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
