I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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