You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
