i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
