life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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