so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
