nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
