The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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