just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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