i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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