no, he came in my armpit
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
