bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
