He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
