How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
