you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
