I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
