2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
