The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
