I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
