next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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