rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
