matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
