i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
