I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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