Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
