In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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