im about as happy as oj after his trial
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am available for nakedness
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
