I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
