Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
