I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
