when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You need a sexual gate keeper
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
