He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
