Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
