if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
