Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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