We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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