she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
