ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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