I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
