So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
