An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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