yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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