There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
