she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
