just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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