I murdered the dance floor call the cops
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
