But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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