Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
