hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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